Failure To Light Up May Cause Offense

Texas has some definate advantages. I was very pissed off that on the very day I arrived the no smoking ban went into effect, however, I have decided it is of little consequence as I will continue to smoke anywhere and everywhere I can. I know some of you have been concerned about the amount that I smoke and its effect on my health... here's the advantage to living in Austin - the sun is so fuckin' intense that I will, no doubt, expire of skin cancer long before the fags get me. I am now happily lighting up one fag after another n' smokin' once more like it's my job, 'cause kiddies, it don't make no never mind (as they say out here).

There's lots of funny only in America stuff... like the female DJ on my favourite country radio station whose voice is so much like the one I described in my poem Country Women. I swear it's as abrasive as fingernails on a chalkboard turned up to supersonic level. I reckon she must have done the casting couch thing to get on the station as I don't believe anyone in their right mind would hire a DJ with a voice that evokes the sound of rabid hyenas mating unless they were thinking with their cock. Other than her lilting voice, she seems like a very charming woman.

I personally have an entire crew of homeless men whom I have met at bus stops who run down the street after me to say hello, whenever they see me. I used to be pleased that people always recognised me, hmmm, perhaps that's not really a good thing after all. The homeless here are actually very nice, they don't ask for money or fags, and are totally unthreatening. Could this be the beginning of a new male branch of the Pussy Posse?


I occasionally get very homesick for London, it couldn't be more different here. Everything is big, huge, enormous. Too generous portions of food, miles from here to there in town, four lane roads in town n' freeways everywhere. Then there's the cars, if its not a truck, then its a by god SUV. I can't figure out how people can afford these cars, gasoline is $3.00+ per gallon. I heard a bloke the other day say that it cost him $130.00 to fill his tank. That would buy a whole lot of fags and by the way, they are, in the land of NO SMOKING FUCKING ANYWHERE very cheap - go figure.

Things that drive me mental - the effing mosquitos who feed on me as if I were the sacrificial goat at their daily voodo ritual. Y'all know when I wake up I need two things, a fag n' some seriously black coffee, but oh no, I can't smoke in Thea's flat so I have to get up, put clothes on which are suitable for human consumption i.e. people can look at me without fainting at the sight of too much elderly flesh, put the coffee on n' run outside for my fags. Fortunately there is a small patio outside her flat and look there are even two chairs n' a table. Wait.... can't sit there because the chairs are crawling with ants. I had an epiphany the other night as I paced outside smoking... Mother Nature n' I are both alpha females n' we ain't never gonna get along.

Good stuff here is that you can look up at the sky at night and actually see the stars. There are trees everywhere and a huge park just around the corner from Thea's flat where there's a natural spring that is 68 degrees year round where you can go swimming. Every bar and restaurant has live music - some good, some so so but all worth dropping into. Lots of good country music on the radio - from the patriotic flag waving anthemic hymns to the good ole USA to the really excellent people like Willie, Emmy Lou, Lucinda, Steve etc etc who we all know and love.

I can't think of a better reason to be in Austin than that Thea is here. Well... Thea n' vanilla ice cream with Big Red sodas.