WEATHER REPORT

It's that time of year, the real Texas weather is here and we're in for a long hot summer. Its been so bloody close (that would be humid for the yanks) yesterday and today that if this keeps up and the humidity gets just a bit higher, we'll all be pregnant, spawning bolts of lightening and rumbles of thunder as we walk the streets seeking surcease from the damp heat.

Sitting on the veranda drinking hot coffee has become a downright stupid endeavor, however, I refuse to give up my ritual.... arise; rocking chair, coffee, smokes and laptop dragged out to the veranda for hours of slovenly idleness.

Damn mother nature, I too am an alpha c*nt and I'll take your best with my finger up and keep on with dancin' with you right to the bloody end.

MUTTON DRESSED AS LAMB?

The other evening, one of my young neighbours of the male persuasion remarked that my ensemble looked like an attempt on my part to look 20 years younger. I considered his remark and came to the conclusion that whilst I am 60, I certainly don’t want to look like I’m 40. Who would? If I were trying to look younger, I’d at least aim for the vicinity of the 30s. Looking younger is not the motivating factor when I put together an ensemble; looking weirder… yes, looking totally inappropriate… oh my I really do hope so.

And so I have kept the implicit vow I made when I wrote

I’m Ready For My Close Up

Ah ha, you say, just what were you wearing that prompted your neighbour’s remark? I’ll say it again, boys n ‘ girls, I’m 60 so I’m pretty much guessing, as the days n’ nights do tend to run together, but I believe it was black (but of course) knee length trousers…yes the legs are still long and shapely… black leather platform wedges with the de rigueur pointed toes ( I do find it difficult to find exciting shoes here, as much as I like black it just gets a bit dull when that is the only colour on offer)… and a red (surprised you didn’t I? but it is the perfect shade of blue red) cotton camisole-styled top with hanging metal bits just under the low cut bust line, which perfectly showcase my tattooed puppies.

There you go; I’ll leave it up to you. Am I mutton dressed as lamb or will the real Bette O’ please stand up?

TEXAS FRIENDS

This came from a bulletin from one of My Space friends, Gabrielle Faust. For those of you in London, I expect that you will recognise a London friend in the Texas friend. If I can't be in London, Texas is rather a nice place to be.

Friends Vs. TEXAS Friends

FRIENDS: Tell you not to do something stupid when drunk
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will post 360 degree security so you dont get caught
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FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents drunk as hell
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FRIENDS: Hope the night out drinking goes smoothly, and hope that no one is late for the ride home.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Know some wild shit will happen, and set up rally points and an E & E route.
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FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that shit was fun "
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FRIENDS: Cry with you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: laugh at you
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FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Steal each other's stuff so often nobody remembers who bought it in the first place.
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FRIENDS: Are happy that someone picked up a one night stand and leave them alone.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will Crawl naked into the room with a camera and hope for the tag team.
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FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
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FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
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FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"
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FRIENDS: Will try and talk to the bouncer when you get tossed out of the bar.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will buck up and go after the bouncer for touching you on the way out.
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FRIENDS: Will wish you had enough money to go out that night, and are sorry you couldn't come.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will share their last dollar with you, drag you along, and try to steal free drinks all night.
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FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, you better drink the rest of that shit, you know we don't waste. That's alcohol abuse!!!" HAHAHAHA !!!!
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FRIENDS: Want the money they loaned you back next week.
TEXAS Friends: Can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long.
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FRIENDS: Will say "I can't handle Tequila anymore".
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will say "okay, just one more..." and then 2 minutes later "okay, just one more!".
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FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will knock them the Fuck out!!
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FRIENDS: Will tell you "They'd take a bullet for you."
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will actually take a bullet for you.
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FRIENDS: Will ignore this
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will repost this

MASSACRE ON KINNEY AVENUE

This is a typical house on my street. Small, a bit rundown but still well able for it, hey it looks like this is a nice quiet neighbourhood doesn’t it? No, no, no. A few weeks ago a group of us were sitting on the veranda of an evening drinking, smoking and chatting. My good friend and neighbour Bazza decided, just before midnight, to walk downtown, yes I live on this charming, quiet street but still close enough to downtown to walk if one were so inclined. I know you’re all thinking, dude, it just couldn’t get any better than a cool neighbourhood, close to downtown, and a veranda to share with excellent people. Yes well…

About fifteen minutes after Bazza left we saw him come back round the building with his head down and his hand to his face. What the …..? As he neared he took his hand away and we saw the blood pouring out of his mouth as he told us I’ve been shot, call the police. Turns out he was walking down our street and had got a few blocks down when a car drove by and he was shot in the face and the side. The shot in the face shattered his tooth and the bullet lodged in his lip. Fortunately the shot to his side apparently hadn’t penetrated the skin.

The police arrived and told us that this is a regular occurrence in Austin, drive by shootings with high velocity BB guns. Before I go further I’ll tell y’all that Bazza is okay, except needing his tooth repaired, and the fool is still out walking late at night.

Here’s the real massacre. If we had called an ambulance, he definitely needed to get to a hospital; it would have cost him $500 to $600 for the trip. He went to the emergency room the next day and had the bullet removed from his lip, a stitch or two to close the wound, and an x-ray to ensure the bullet in his side had not penetrated the skin and was not traveling to his lungs on its way to kill him. That came in at about $600. A few days later he went to the dentist and after x-rays and a consultation totaling a little over $100, was told that to get his tooth fixed properly, i.e. pulled and replaced, it would cost $4,000. Total massacre damage control, approx $5,300.

Bazza, like so many of us does not have medical or dental insurance, even though he works two jobs. When the police came that night we were asking them about the nearest medical facility that was open and discussing the probable cost. They were a bit helpful as to hospital location but that was pretty much it, until I said I can’t believe that Bazza as a victim of a crime has to pay for his medical costs himself. Then and only then did they mention that there was a Victim’s Assistance fund, with no guarantee of help, and give Bazza the proper application forms.

The moral of this vignette? Don’t get shot unless you’re either rich or have full medical coverage, you’ll probably be fucked (without a kiss) as well as being shot.

P.S. Actually my neighbourhood, all things considered, is very safe.

DAMN I WAS STRIVING FOR 100%

I know, I know, I haven't written anything for awhile but I've just not been inspired, been too tired; or, in reality, can't be arsed to post something new. Here's a little something to remind y'all not to chastise me.

You Are 94% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

Apparently I'm so evil that I can't be arsed to fix the html code on the foregoing link. There you go, adding this silly little bit seems to have done the trick. Guess I can be arsed 'cause I love y'all so much. Not enough, however, to change the code from center to left.

ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

I quit smoking..... cigarettes that is. I just cannot deal with the rise in price since the new tax was added. I have switched to little cigars, which are not subject to cigarette taxes and I will thus be saving half the amount I was paying. I found these charming little cigars that are cherry flavoured. I can't actually taste the cherry but it does leave a lovely odour in the air.

At the risk of sounding like some weird conspiracy theorist, which it is becoming exceedingly difficult not to do in the US these days given the proliferation of over the top scare mongering tactics which are used to justify the rampant plundering of our rights in the name of Homeland Security (wasn't Nazi Germany called the Homeland?), I believe that the reason cigars are not taxed like cigarettes is that they are predominatly smoked by those of the male persuasion. Let's face it, it is men who dominate our government and big business.

As it is quite clear to anyone living (actually that's a misnomer, one would have to be dead not to notice) in the US, big business is the god to which our politicians kneel to worship. One only has to turn on the television to see that the majority of adverts are for prescription drugs. My recent favourite is for restless legs. For fuck's sake, have you ever heard of anyone with restless legs? Do you find yourself sitting in a chair when your legs begin to twitch? Perhaps you are not sleeping at night as your legs are constantly moving? I just cannot take this seriously especially in this country where the majority of the people seem to have difficulty sleeping because they are ill and have no medical insurance, or they are hungry and have no food, or they are totally stressed becasue they can't pay their bills as they have no job. NOT BECAUSE THEY HAVE RESTLESS FUCKING LEGS. There you go, big drug companies rule the air waves and as sure as I will reach for a smoke as soon as I wake each morning, it is equally likely that they rule the country.

So thanks gents for protecting your own and I'll just quietly slip in and join you in your cheap smoking room.

I will have to purchase a new cigarette case, or in this instance, a new cigar case. Fortunately I have my eye on a sweet little container with, you guessed it, a skull on it.

Never worry my dears, I will still be pursuing my ambition of being the last smoker.

DRAGGED INTO THE 21ST CENTURY

After trying my damnest not to create a My Space page, I have finally been convinced by many people that I needed to do this. The straw that broke this camel's back was my inability to up load recordings to my blog. You can now find me at

BETTE O"

I will still be bloggin' here so keep tuned.